QUESTION # 249: SERVED A LA CARTE

Dear Useless Men,

What are your thoughts on urinal cakes?

Dena

Dear Dena,

Don't be fooled by the hype: They taste terrible. In fact, my own research indicates that they bear only the slightest resemblances to cake at all - that resemblance being that they taste slightly better when coated with frosting.

The problem is the inherent difficulty in procuring a full sized specimen. Usually when you find one, it has already been worn down by some mysterious process.* When you finally do get one, it's almost never in its pure state. For some reason or another, they always taste like popcorn and asparagus.

This all brings me to my next point: children these days are ungrateful. Serve some urinal cakes and ice cream at a birthday party and what do they do? They cry. Back in my day we didn't even have urinal crakes, and these little trolls think that they're too good for them.

Plus, the blue ones leave your mouth discoloured. I do not recommend eating urinal cakes.

Sincerely,
Just Plain Useless

*I asked my local Wal-Mart if I could places cameras in their bathroom to see if it was elves or goblins nibbling at the cakes, but curiously they didn't seem as interested in finding out what was causing the erosion of their urinal cakes. I suspect they know, and are party to those who guard the secret.


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