QUESTION # 267: CROCODILE VS GREAT WHITE SHARK
Dear Useless Men,
Who would win in a fight? A crocodile or a Great White Shark?
Kenny
Dear Kenny,
Crocodile skin is used for purses. Sharkskin is used to strengthen your roof. Which do you think would win?
Round 1: Fight!
Crocodile: "Oh wait, oh God--oh God. Stop the fight. I think I'm missing a scale. Look, right there, look -- right there on my back. If I turn this way you can see it."
Shark: "Hey, would you get a load of this guy? Pauly, Tommy, would you check him out? Is he for real?"
Crocodile: "Girl, I'm as real as rea--
Shark: CHOMP
Round 2: Fight!
Crocodile: "You fight dirty, do you know that? You're a dirty fighter, that's what you are. Just like my hairdresser Sal was saying the other day. Oh he's so funny, he's got that little Cuban accent, he goes "Girl, I tell ju what. Them sharks are nogood. Sweemeen around, fleeckeeng their tails, eating leetle seals. Girl they theenk they're just king of the world, that's what they think. I tell ju, ain't no shark king of Salvatore Sanchez Miranda Marin that's for sure. Eef ju ebber see a shark, ju jus' let him know that Salvatore is hees own woman."
Shark: "Badda bing badda boom." CHOMP.
Crocodile: "Ok, that tears it! How am I supposed to go on the second season of Flavor of Love looking like this!" CHOMP
Shark: "I can see the light boys, I can - - hey, it's Mama! What you doing here Mama? Is that seal lasagna?" *dies*
There you have it. In an astonishing upset, Crocodile wins. Who could have ever foreseen--
Crocodile: "Oh, it was astonishing huh? You didn't think I could do it? You little narrating twerp. Come here, I'll show you how I do."
Salvatore: "Girl I heered ju were in trouble I came so fast like a lightneeng bolt! Ees thees the one? He don't seem so tough."
Crocodile: "Nah, he's just some hata."
Sincerely,
Just Plain Useless
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Who would win in a fight? A crocodile or a Great White Shark?
Kenny
Dear Kenny,
Crocodile skin is used for purses. Sharkskin is used to strengthen your roof. Which do you think would win?Round 1: Fight!
Crocodile: "Oh wait, oh God--oh God. Stop the fight. I think I'm missing a scale. Look, right there, look -- right there on my back. If I turn this way you can see it."
Shark: "Hey, would you get a load of this guy? Pauly, Tommy, would you check him out? Is he for real?"
Crocodile: "Girl, I'm as real as rea--
Shark: CHOMP
Round 2: Fight!
Crocodile: "You fight dirty, do you know that? You're a dirty fighter, that's what you are. Just like my hairdresser Sal was saying the other day. Oh he's so funny, he's got that little Cuban accent, he goes "Girl, I tell ju what. Them sharks are nogood. Sweemeen around, fleeckeeng their tails, eating leetle seals. Girl they theenk they're just king of the world, that's what they think. I tell ju, ain't no shark king of Salvatore Sanchez Miranda Marin that's for sure. Eef ju ebber see a shark, ju jus' let him know that Salvatore is hees own woman."
Shark: "Badda bing badda boom." CHOMP.
Crocodile: "Ok, that tears it! How am I supposed to go on the second season of Flavor of Love looking like this!" CHOMP
Shark: "I can see the light boys, I can - - hey, it's Mama! What you doing here Mama? Is that seal lasagna?" *dies*
There you have it. In an astonishing upset, Crocodile wins. Who could have ever foreseen--
Crocodile: "Oh, it was astonishing huh? You didn't think I could do it? You little narrating twerp. Come here, I'll show you how I do."
Salvatore: "Girl I heered ju were in trouble I came so fast like a lightneeng bolt! Ees thees the one? He don't seem so tough."
Crocodile: "Nah, he's just some hata."
Sincerely,
Just Plain Useless
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Subscribe to Useless email updates. 48% Crocodile, 46% Shark, 6% Cuban Hairdresser. Click here.
Advice given at
5:34 PM
12 Comments:
What an imagination! This was absolutely hillarious....:)
Thanks!
By
Chana, at 3:04 PM
Man I just lost $100 dollars on this fight.
By
Jimbo Big Toe, at 4:39 PM
Hahaha! I would have put my money on the shark too... leave it to the "Flava Factor" to turn the tide though.
By
Mojotek, at 6:44 PM
Thanks for answering my question. That has been keeping me awake at night.
By
Random Bovine, at 7:30 PM
LOL... yea.. but a croc can beat and eat humans... dogs... and other critters.
By
Cynthia E. Bagley, at 7:53 PM
The crocodile had my money from the beginning.
Maybe the shark wasn't so great after all.
..
By
Jim, at 7:15 AM
I don't think the crocodile really won, you just made that part up.
By
Laura, at 12:41 PM
Color me useless, but I don't really care who wins the croc vs. shark fight. As long as they're chomping on each other, they're not out hunting for housepets or humans.
But you win the cool useless dude award for this enlightening post.
By
too useless to worry, at 1:32 PM
Everybody knows ju don mess weeth a Cuban hairdresser!
Loved the accent!
By
Geeky Dragon Girl, at 2:51 PM
your wrong, a croc could easily take a great white. up north coast of australia there are crocs in the ocean, but sharks dont go near them.... i wonder why.....
Croc Winner
Useless Man - Shark food
By
Anonymous, at 2:57 PM
A big Great White Shark would rip a puny croc into two pieces with one big blast. Sharks get sooo much bigger & heavier...and faster too.
By
Anonymous, at 4:15 PM
As a marine biologist and amateur naturalist, I can assure everyone that a Great White would win this fight in about 2 seconds flat. Its speed, strength and power far outweighs any crocodile.
If your croc was a helicopter gunship, then look at the man in the grey suit as an fA18.
By
Andrew Bourke, at 10:19 AM
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