QUESTION # 347: DRINKING CHRISTIE BRINKLEY’S COFFEE

Dear Useless Men,

Why do men cheat? Specifically, men like Christie Brinkley's husband? How much better can you get than Christie?

Uptown Girl

Dear Uptown Girl,

Three questions? I’m doing a happy dance…

1) Why do men cheat?
Answer: I don't know.
2) Specifically, men like Christie Brinkley's husband?
Answer: See answer to first question.
3) How much better can you get than Christie?
Answer: See answer to second question.

Anyways, lets talk about something I know lots about. Coffee. I like coffee. In fact I like it so much that I own a coffee pot. And every morning I drink coffee to wake myself up. And every evening I drink coffee before bed. So I can get up a bunch of times to go pee I guess..

But, a while ago a coffee place opened in my neighborhood.

At first I resisted going to the coffee place. I own a coffee maker for goodness sake.

But, eventually I went in. Just to check the place out. And before I knew it I had purchased a coffee. It was a Café Kahlua. And it was like the supermodel of coffees. So sweet and coffeeish. And it had whipped cream on top. What could possibly be better than Café Kahlua. Well, nothing, of course.

And so began my affair with Café Kahlua. Slowly at first. But then more and more cups. I just couldn't get enough.

Meanwhile I still drank coffee at home. And most of the time it was good. Not as exciting as the fancy coffee. But it did serve the purpose.

Eventually, I got tired of the Café Kahlua. It was still great tasting. But it was expensive. And it hurt my teeth. Too much sugar.

So I went back to making coffee at home. And I vowed to never drink another fancy coffee again.

And I broke that vow the next day when I discovered that the fancy coffee place had many other choices. Sure they were different. But they each had something that attracted me.

Anyways, sorry I don't have any answers for you. I don't have any ideas why men, or women for that matter, cheat. And I have no idea why someone married to Christie Brinkley would ever consider cheating on her. I know I wouldn't. She's a supermodel for goodness sake. And nothing could be better than a supermodel.

Well, time for more coffee. But which kind to have…?

Sincerely,
Another Useless Man


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