QUESTION # 390: A CUP-O-TIM AND A DUTCHIE

Dear Useless Men,

Last week, in an undisclosed location in the US, there was a box of Tim Horton donuts on the table in the lunch room at work. One of my coworkers grabbed a donut and proceeded to gobble it down. (she had chocolate on her chin during our entire, painfully long conversation.)

I told her about how my friends and I used to cross the US and Canadian border from Detroit to Windsor just to eat at Tim Horton's.(back in the 90's before Tim Horton's came to the US.)

She asked me "Why did you drive so far for a donut and coffee?"

I am not sure. Do you know? Is there something better about sugar and caffeine North of the Border?

I did a lot of crazy things in my youthful days, but this one is just inexplicable!

Any thoughts you might have would be helpful.

Thank you,
Mary

Dear Mary,

You wild and crazy Gal!

There is no easy answer to this question. What I'll try and do is simplify the best I can when dealing with history and science and historical science while not forgetting the engineering elements. No, there is no simple answer. In order to collect my thoughts, I referred to my elementary school hockey history/science textbooks.

The first and foremost answer is that Tim Horton was a Canadian and a hockey player who started his NHL career with the Toronto Maple Leafs when they were good (Yes, I went there!), winning four Stanley Cups. The simplest answer would be that Tims coffee is better because Tim Horton's is associated with a Canadian hockey legend. Tim Horton was also a very effective puck carrier, which brings me to my next point.

Donuts are a lot like hockey pucks. The Dutchie, which was a Horton original, along with the Apple Fritter, is a square donut and one of my favourites. The importance here is that Tim Horton played right-wing for the Leafs from '64-'65, where effectively he would be passing the "Dutchie" on the left hand side.

It was only natural that Tim Horton’s would move into the States. Just look at the history of hockey. The modern game (as we now know it) started in Montreal in 1875, and by 1880 the first hockey club was established. By the time the Stanley Cup was first awarded in 1893, the US had played their first hockey games at Yale University. The first Tim Horton’s was established in Hamilton, Ontario, or more commonly known as the "City with the Hole in the Middle". The eventual partnership with Wendy's Restaurants assured Tim Horton’s move into the US was inevitable.

By 1985 the first Tim Horton’s opened in Amherst, New York. It should be noted here that though it seems like a far drive to go from the US to Canada just for a donut and coffee, the fact remains that Detroit is just across a river from Windsor, Ontario. It would be far crazier to drive to Amherst, New York from Detroit for Timmy's (that's what we Canadians call Tim Horton). Mind you, with the stricter border regulations now, it probably isn't worth the drive to Windsor anymore.

Lastly, since Tim Horton was a hockey player, it makes sense that after numerous falls onto the ice that one might get tired of the cold, salty (usually a salty brine or water with antifreeze that runs in pipes below the ice to lower the foundation temperature making the water on top freeze better) moisture one would inevitably consume. What better way to get the cold saltiness out of your system than with hot coffee and sweet donuts.

It's not craziness that brought you to Canada for a cup-o-tim and a dutchie. Like all things Canadian, you come for the hockey and you stay for the coffee and donuts.

As only Red Green can say, “Keep your stick on the ice!”

Sincerely,
One Useless Brother


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