QUESTION # 392: STONE AGE SLACKERS
Dear Useless Men,
I have been shopping at hardware stores for my husband's Christmas presents for as long as I can remember. He has a tool for every job imaginable ... except whatever task is currently at the top of my "Honey Do" list. What could I buy him this year so he will always be sure to have what I need?
Tired of Waiting
Dear Tired,
Women across the generations have mistakenly assumed that men are lazy and don't do the tasks that their wives give them. What it really comes down to is survival. Men know that women only keep us around as a means to avoid having to fix all this stuff themselves. This actually makes them lazy, but let's not argue over that right now, shall we?
Men simply leave the item at the top of the list because it is obviously of some importance. Completion of said task may render us officially useless. Most wives complain about clutter around the house and dispose of useless things. We simply wish to remain married and as such will complete other tasks on the list, but not usually the biggie on the top.
This dates back to the caveman days when Gorak and Grima were happily married in their cave. Grima remembered being courted by Gorak and getting clubbed over the head and dragged to his cave. Women hold a grudge like nobody else, so she looked to get even with him and created the first known “Honey Do” list. This list was even more inconvenient because not only was it an infringement of Gorak's free time, but it was also chipped into the stone of the cave wall. This meant that if he didn't listen to Grima, he had to hang around the cave and watch for updates to the list.
Gorak, who hadn't encountered one of these lists before, assumed it was his duty to complete it and worked hard at it until the last item had been completed. Upon noticing that Gorak had done all that was required of him, Grima kicked him out of the cave and told him to get bent. She hooked up with a loincloth model and frolicked around for the rest of her days, leaving Gorak to die of a broken heart.
Knowing this, we men have a biological distrust for those "Honey Do" lists. As you can see, we look past your laziness and ignore that top item out of love.
The next time you see your husband shirking that top item, you make sure you don't nag at him. Instead, give him a hug and tell him you love him, too.
Sincerely,
Any More Useless, I'd Be A Cat.
Send your Honey Do list to Useless Advice from Useless Men by clicking here.
Subscribe to Useless email updates. 83% Do, 17% Done. Click here.
I have been shopping at hardware stores for my husband's Christmas presents for as long as I can remember. He has a tool for every job imaginable ... except whatever task is currently at the top of my "Honey Do" list. What could I buy him this year so he will always be sure to have what I need?
Tired of Waiting
Dear Tired,
Women across the generations have mistakenly assumed that men are lazy and don't do the tasks that their wives give them. What it really comes down to is survival. Men know that women only keep us around as a means to avoid having to fix all this stuff themselves. This actually makes them lazy, but let's not argue over that right now, shall we?
Men simply leave the item at the top of the list because it is obviously of some importance. Completion of said task may render us officially useless. Most wives complain about clutter around the house and dispose of useless things. We simply wish to remain married and as such will complete other tasks on the list, but not usually the biggie on the top.
This dates back to the caveman days when Gorak and Grima were happily married in their cave. Grima remembered being courted by Gorak and getting clubbed over the head and dragged to his cave. Women hold a grudge like nobody else, so she looked to get even with him and created the first known “Honey Do” list. This list was even more inconvenient because not only was it an infringement of Gorak's free time, but it was also chipped into the stone of the cave wall. This meant that if he didn't listen to Grima, he had to hang around the cave and watch for updates to the list.Gorak, who hadn't encountered one of these lists before, assumed it was his duty to complete it and worked hard at it until the last item had been completed. Upon noticing that Gorak had done all that was required of him, Grima kicked him out of the cave and told him to get bent. She hooked up with a loincloth model and frolicked around for the rest of her days, leaving Gorak to die of a broken heart.
Knowing this, we men have a biological distrust for those "Honey Do" lists. As you can see, we look past your laziness and ignore that top item out of love.
The next time you see your husband shirking that top item, you make sure you don't nag at him. Instead, give him a hug and tell him you love him, too.
Sincerely,
Any More Useless, I'd Be A Cat.
Send your Honey Do list to Useless Advice from Useless Men by clicking here.
Subscribe to Useless email updates. 83% Do, 17% Done. Click here.
Advice given at
11:36 AM
5 Comments:
Almost peed in my pants.. You guys HAVE to write a book!
By
Elle J, at 2:14 PM
If only my wife could understand this.
By
Memphis Steve, at 2:53 PM
huh. an evolutionary drive for uselessness. I guess this means my husband is not a neanderthal, after all! (do I have to tell him?)
and here I thought avoidance was just a means to the "humour" of seeing me try to stand tiptoe on the step ladder and change the lightbulb with my fingertips...
By
Jenn, at 6:16 PM
I liked the caveman wedding ceremony you described. Sure, you have to hunt up a club, but that's a pittance compared to the stuff we have to buy for a modern wedding. And a good club can come in really handy later, unlike all those flower arrangements and bags of confetti. Great post, as always!
By
Andrew, at 9:11 AM
That was one of your top ten. :) I don't think Gorak died of a broken heart though. He likely went blind from all that DIY and fell off a cliff or was eaten by a really big (and hungry) dinosaur.
By
Laura, at 10:34 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home