Sunday, November 28, 2010


Dear Useless Men,

I started my own business creating photo-based custom gift wrap. Now I need to know how to make lots of money.

Customer Seeker

Dear Customer Seeker,

You obviously have the means to print what you need right there. Tear off what you need from the paper and away you go. The bigger challenge would not be making the money but rather a wallet big enough to hold an 11"X17" sheet of money that you have made. Many store are loath to take larger bills so you'll need to find a place to get your bills broken down into smaller ones. Banks are a good option but with paper that large really you could get away with a butcher shop. They have plenty of large sharp instruments on hand that will be able to reduce the size of your large bills with no problems at all.

The absolute best part about this solution of yours is that if you have no idea what to give someone as a gift you can just give them an empty box wrapped in the money. This will enable them purchase a gift suitable to occupy whatever box you have wrapped. Since larger gifts cost more there is no problem with this gift giving approach as a larger gift requires a larger box, which will require more paper. Please feel free to mail us a sample of this paper once you get it perfected. We do accept mail from prisons so it should come to the office no problem at all.

Enjoy your new found wealth and catered housing once you get picked up for using said wealth.

Any More Useless, I'd Be A Cat

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honkeie2 said...

I had a wonderful idea 'Dick-In-A-Box' but someone beat me to it!

Kate said...

I found you from Sans Pantaloons. I love your site. I’m going to poke around a little bit, but don’t worry I’ll put everything back where I found it!!